Disclaimer, if this story makes you want to contact PETA, you've obviously never dealt with this personally. I don't care who you are -- there is no living above a skunk.
About ten days ago, husband and I woke to a putrid, unfortunately familiar, smell. We looked at each other and he simply exclaimed "NOOOOOOO!!!". We'd been skunked. And we weren't even playing cribbage. We knew the smell because it'd happened to us before. In WI, one of these little striped beasts chewed his way beneath our house and "let 'er rip". If you've never experienced this up close and personal, it smells like burnt plastic and rubber at the same time. It assaults your nose, makes your eyes tear up, and gives you a sore throat and cough almost immediately. It took us 6 months *LITERALLY* to get the funk out of our clothes, mattresses, towels, hair, pets, pillows.. You name it. He said that he first time he smoked his pipe after the skunkage, he about lost his lunch. It permiates e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. and I do not wish this experience upon anyone. We must owe karma something becuase it's happened again, folks.
We owned our home in WI and could take care of this how we wished - so the little buddy met a trap. Case closed. But now we rent, and the landlord isn't interested in trapping (and also apparently not interested in closing off the porch which is fully attached to the house -- giving any and all creatures an invitation to nest)...so this has required us to get a little creative.
Here's a play-by-play of our stink-venture thus far:
- We're awoken to the undeniable presence of Pepe Le Pew and immediately open all windows in the house for the night. Brrr.....
- Spray a mixture of apple cider vinegar and bleach under the house in all of the openings.
- mop the floors with vinegar (believe it or not, it helps neutralize the smell-- or so your barely-working smell buds think at that juncture)
- Pepe fights back by lifting tail
- I went to work, stinking. Rubbed a box of dryer sheets all over myself. Hardly helped. Created "Sorry I stink" post-its with a skunk cartoon on them. Distribute to co-workers while frowning.
- Began leaving porch light on at night, hoping that will aid in stinky's exodus
- launched moth balls in every opening under house. Drown them with bleach to get fumes going.
- Note: house now smells like skunk, bleach, and moth balls. Yet again, woken at night to sniffs of him "returning fire". Officially ready to put up our colonial wall tent and live in the yard. He can have the house.
- Spray under house with barrage of peppermint oil (from my soap-making supply--frown), dish soap, Vicks Vapor-rub, bleach, vinegar. Husband says "Ha! That'll teach him!"
- DO we have success?!? Nothing happened this night!!
- Just to keep scent there, we spray that mixture again. I also sprinkle cayenne pepper around the house, like I'm seasoning a spicy soup.
- Wake up: **sniff sniff** Eau de Pepe. Frown like Grumpy Cat. He's not getting the message.
- Husband says "Get ammonia". I bring home. Fill sprayer. We lay on the wet, snowy ground at his level, heads almost under the house (dangerous as it's after dark), flashlight illuminating our view. Husband says "I SEE THE BASTARD'S EYES". We launch ammonia bombs (full strength ammonia on rags) toward his hole.
- He scurries out. We claim victory, yet keep spraying ammonia 2x daily.
- This morning: I wake at 3 a.m. to catch my flight. Smell hasn't degraded. I leave the house happy until I land in NYC to a text: "skunk is back with a vengeance"
